Milan Beran

“That was one of the hardest moments. It was about three years in, when I was called in for questioning and the chief of the State Security there, captain Mezera, offered me to collaborate, saying that if I signed I would soon go home, otherwise it would be nine years at least and no chances of being released early, they would make sure of that. I knew I couldn’t do it but I was scared as hell and I knew I must not show it. I wasn’t very far from signing it and I don’t resent anyone who signed to collaborate in such a situation.”

“When the State Security agent told me: ‘If we don’t prove anything, give it three or four years in pre-trial detention and you’ll come around’, I laughed. He was right. It’s interesting that this agent, when it was all over, actually apologized to me. He told me he respected me as his opponent and that although he didn’t approve of religion, he appreciated that I had behaved with integrity. It was unexpected. But there were others who were very unfriendly and who confiscated letters that my wife had written me about how she had found a job. I got those after six months, they just got lost somewhere. And they tried to hurt us in other ways too. So, even among the investigators-agents there were people who had something like a conscience.”

“As I was arranged contacts between the groups, I had a small notebook with lots of addresses and phone numbers and I knew that it could never get in their hands. When they arrested us, we couldn't get to our things, but when they were transporting us they gave us our small briefcases. Even though we were handcuffed, I managed to get in my briefcase, take out the plastic folder with my notebook and eat that notebook. They knew about the notebook because they had looked into our stuff, and when they wanted evidence they opened the briefcase but all they saw was the plastic folder that I had not enjoyed eating.”